after 3 years struggling with myself

i wish i could back to 3 years ago. when i might not know you. when i might not know what internet is. when i still pure and hangout with my friends cheerfully. maybe i wouldn't end up loving you.

loving you is not a crime, it's normal. it came from the deepest of my heart.

loving you is not a sin, it's legal and humanized.

loving you is my choice. if you plead me and asking me to stop loving you, i just could not.

loving you is my choice, even if you're with the other woman WHICH IS better than me.

truthfully this is my first time hold a heartache so long and so deep. never shared it to anyone. just keep it my self, alone and until numb.

this is not fling, it's long lasting. do you think or considering me as a child or hubbub teenage that have crush on you? how come teenage can loving one person for 3 yrs even she knows that her love is unrequited?

i never ask you to love me or to give your affection to me. i never ask you to be my boyfriend, i still have pride.

i even support you to back to your ex girlfriend, and you do that. i smile outside but i feel painful inside. i am a good pretender.

do you know how happy I am when you replied my chat even just a simple words like 'hey, yes, i'm fine' ?

do you know that i always smile like crazy when you ask me "how have you been? what r u doin these days?"

do you know how curious i am stalking your facebook, reading your status update and comment?

do you know how broken i am when i read you're now is in relationship (again) with her?

do you know how excited i am hearing your story about some geek stuff even i don't know at all?

i wanna blame you but i don't have right to. that's your choice to be with her.

i even wanna scream out loud to you, to say what i feel. to say that i really love you even i don't know the reason.

i even still imagine that we are supposed to be together EVEN I know it would be NEVER HAPPEN, even in the next life.

so what i want to do is just erasing you from my mind. if i could. IF I COULD.

To Mr xxx, just be happy. with her.

His Love's Bling Bling like LED

I never get addicted to Korean boy band idol like super junior. From my objective, 13people is too much dude. I like their song (just Bonamana) and I know their member. only 'the famous' star in variety show like Eunhyuk, Leeteuk, Siwon, Heechul and Shindong. 

I was about to be Hottest but since I read about Taecyeon-Jessica dating rumor, I think twice again hahaha. 

But now I became such a crazy fangirl. yeah, I must admit that I LOVE BIG BANG. once again, BIG BANG. *with echoes* BIIIGGGGGGGG BBBAAAAAANNNNNGGGGGG lmao.

source : asianpose.com

although Daesung is being inactive member, and G-Dragon caught smoking marijuana in Japan. I still have my 3 boys. Seungri, Taeyang and my hottest boy TOP XD

Look what I made from their MV Baby Good Night (by GD - TOP)

picture screen shot by INTAN KEMALA SARI

I never get bored with these hot boys. GD is a charismatic leader. He fits any style. He even wore pink jumpsuit, leopard blazer, pink blazer, uhmmm... any style fits him. and TOP. oh my hell who doesn't even like his killer look? when he stare at you girls... ooohh I am fainted.

And this is the Turn It Up MV...

LOOK LOOK THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. KILLER LOOK!

I am afraid with snake. But if he became my snake charmer, I don't afraid at all. kyaaw >.<

CL 2NE1 and GD. they look good together.

Big Bang, just be strong. whatever happens we will be support you. Can't wait for Daesung comeback next December and GD, i know you just tryin out some marijuana. it doesn't matter for me. you're still young, student. once again, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEE BIG BANG!

here are some MV bonus for you. check this out and you'll how smexy they are.

Cheers,

INTAN-Blackjack and VIP